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Counseling for Grief and the Highly Sensitive Person
​The Hope Blog

Six Factors For Successful Couples Counseling

4/26/2019

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If you want to improve the outcome of couples therapy, here are six things you can do to make your marriage counseling a success.

1. Set Goals For Yourself

Plan to work on yourself. Trying to change your partner is frequently ineffective. What do you want? What were your early expectations in this relationship? If you visualize the ideal relationship, what would that look like?
Today, what are your attitudes and behaviors? What keeps you from being a happier person? What can you improve? When you are stressed, how do you react? Do you try to control, nag, or complain? Do you withdraw? Fear not, your couples counselor will ensure both of you are working, not just you.

2. Be Open

Look for the feelings behind the feelings. There are frequently deeper reasons for surface feelings. Realizing why we feel the way we do can get be helpful. We might feel hopeless, helpless, or embarrassed, but why? Perhaps trust or resentment is an issue. Being more vulnerable to your partner in a safe place will create empathy and compassion.

3. Invest the Time

Couples counseling takes time and energy. Plan to spend quality time working on the relationship at home as well as in a therapy session.

4. Be Openminded

Our assumptions about the motives of our partner may not be true. Ask. Be open to changing your mind and avoid jumping to conclusions.

5. Learn Independence

Relationships can fill some of our needs but not all. Even the best marriage has moments when we feel worried, lonely, or anxious. No partner can be there for you every moment. Learn to become a complete person with activities outside the relationship.

6. Set Divorce Aside For Now

​Success requires hope. Focusing on divorce is like staring into the abyss, not a cheerful prospect. Take divorce off the table and work on the relationship. Visualize the positive goals and work toward them. Work on your marriage now. Invest the best part of yourself, your time, honest feelings, and energy for the best couples therapy outcome. Make a brighter future.

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Movie Screening: Sensitive - The Untold Story

6/22/2018

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Description

​A groundbreaking documentary about the temperament trait of high sensitivity found in 20% of the population in both men and women. Based on the findings of bestselling author-psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron ("The Highly Sensitive Person")

Open to everyone.
​
Presented by Catherine M. Blake, LPC and Scott F. Olds, RP
Call Scott at (303) 817-8369 or Cathy at ​(303) 464-9803 for more information.

Date and Time

Sun, July 22, 2018
1:30 PM – 3:00 PM MDT

Location

Standley Lake Library, Meeting Room
8485 Kipling St
Arvada, CO 80005
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For Reservations

Event Reservation
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Workshop: Relationships And The Highly Sensitive Person!

11/24/2017

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I am excited to announce:
"Relationships And The Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)", a three-session workshop for couples.

Purpose: To learn about HSPs in relationships, improve your communication skills, and learn tools for resolving conflict as HSPs.
Counselors: This event will be co-lead by me, Scott F. Olds, and Cathy M. Blake, a fellow counselor and my partner in life.
Workshop Sessions:
 - Session 1 - Introduction to the HSP, the HSP test, relationships and the HSP
 - Session 2 - Partner communication and the HSP
 - Session 3 - Conflict management and the HSP, closure
Location: 10960 West 65th Way, Arvada, CO 80004
Dates: February 10, 17, and 24, 2018 - all Saturdays​
Times: 10 AM to noon
Who can attend: Couples only. Couples are required to attend all three sessions. A maximum of five couples will be accepted, so make your reservation now!
Total cost: $90 per couple for all three sessions

Call Scott at (303) 817-8369 to see if this workshop is appropriate for you.

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From Grief to Hope

11/24/2017

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My Story
I open my blog with a story of how I arrived at grief and loss counseling.

My journey through grief and recovery began when my wife was diagnosed with ALS, an incurable, debilitating, and fatal disease. Everything changed for us. I went from husband to caregiver and Teri went from family caregiver to patient. We felt a deep sense of loss.

We lost our stability, peace, and privacy. Our house became “Grand Central Station,” with weekly doctor visits and all manner of tests.  Even our happy house of 20 years became a challenge, lacking handicap accessibility.

Our life was changing and we felt powerless to stop it. At first she needed a cane, then a walker, and finally a wheelchair, all within the first four months. We reached out and began attending monthly ALS support groups. There, a patient told us that ALS stands for ”always losing something” -- I agreed -- not just for the patient, but for everyone involved in this journey.

The first year was filled with grief for the loss of many things. The hardest thing I had ever done was to tell my children their mother was going to die. I will never forget the look in their eyes. Surprisingly our relationships with extended family and friends changed. Individuals I expected to be there for us became distant, unable to cope with our situation, while others, unexpectedly, stepped in with incredible support. For Teri and me that first year was miserable. As a couple we were frustrated and angry. Publicly we appeared to be coping well. Alone, the tears poured out.

With the help of counseling and support groups, we improved our coping skills and regained a measure of control over our lives. We realized that quality of life was most important to us and resolved to make the most of it. We made some tough medical decisions and shifted our focus to caring for each other and sharing our experience with others.

I learned the hard way and eventually with the help of others. Today, I pass on what I learned about grief to help you move beyond loss to experience joy and happiness.

Defining Grief
Broadly defined, grief is the loss of anything to which we are emotionally attached. When I began counseling, my focus was death and dying because that's what I understood. As I worked with others, I realized grief touched them in many ways. To help them, I trained on techniques for marriage and family, trauma, childhood development, working with couples. The more I learned, it always circled back to some form of grief or loss. Indeed, grief and loss is frequently a factor in counseling. We are always trying to return to the perception of normal.

Some changes are by choice like getting married or moving to a new house. Adjusting to involuntary changes is harder. Grief gets shoved into a small corner when in truth it can shade many of our experiences, from the simple to the complex.

Here are a few examples that can cause grief and unresolved emotional pain.
  • Job loss can be devastating, particularly if our sense of purpose and self-worth is attached to that job.
  • Aging can create a sense of loss, as our health and independence deteriorate. Once simple tasks like standing or walking become a challenge, creating feelings of frustration and sadness. Age challenges our relationships too as those close to us drift away or pass on, be they a spouse, a child, or close friends. With a career or family behind us, we may feel disoriented, depressed, or lack a sense of purpose.
  • A parent, spouse, or close friend may develop dementia or other terminal illness and we grieve for both their loss and ours.
  • A traumatic brain injury can change your life. After the wounds heal, emotional disturbances may persist caused by our attachment to who we were.
  • Loss of a spouse or a child can cause us intense emotional distress. You care and it still hurts.
  • Grief can result from the loss of a house, car, or something special and irreplaceable.
As you can see, grief can occur at any time and in many forms.

Any big change in our lives can have some grief of what we wanted or thought about where your life was headed. Life is about change and when change happens you have loss. In that way grief and loss is part of life.

The Problem of Grief
What is the impact? Grief can be expressed physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. The symptoms of grief are varied and might include frequent crying, difficulty sleeping or feeling detached from others. Depression is a typical response that can adversely impact your health, relationships, and career. Feelings of anger and frustration can result from not getting the support you need from friends and relatives. Denial can lead to intense sorrow and anger. Untreated grief numbs your feelings, takes the joy and happiness out of life.

Support from friends may be too much or too little, even if well intended. Some friends become distant while others repeatedly ask the same questions, reminding us of our unresolved grief without resolving it.

You can't hold your feelings inside. If your symptoms of grief persist, treatment can help. You are not alone.

Treating Grief
Counseling is an effective treatment for grief, reducing the symptoms and helps you reintegrate with your friends and experience joy again.

The techniques I use are highly personalized because everyone’s needs are different. I evaluate each client and develop a personal connection to know your unique needs. The treatment plan is customized for you.

I am a man in a field dominated by women. Men are frequently perceived as uncaring and lack compassion. I enjoy the chance to change my client’s minds. Establishing that emotional connection, a sense of caring,  improves outcomes.

You can't make progress without being in a safe place. Compassion is an essential part of how I work and I use active listening to engage my clients in a safe space. I don't force anyone down a path that makes them uncomfortable. Everyone deals with grief differently. My goal is to help those who are overwhelmed, and their lives disrupted, to bring hope and joy to living again.

Hope
All these things can be helped if you take the first step and seek professional help. As a grief and loss counselor, people ask how I can be around so much sadness and depression. I tell them what an incredible experience it is to watch someone transcend grief and feel happiness joy and laughter.  
​
I am here to guide you to a better place in your life, out of the darkness into the light, from despair to hope.

​
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    Author

    Scott F. Olds, Counselor
    Scott has 16 years experience facilitating groups and individuals experiencing grief, chronic illness, and loss. Scott also works with the highly sensitive person (HSP) and is an HSP himself. This blog shares his experiences, inspirations, and insights about transforming grief into hope. 

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    ​Call Scott at
    ​(303) 817-8369 or email at Scott@springsnewhope.com 
    ​for a free evaluation.
Call Scott Now at (303) 817-8369
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Scott has offices in Arvada and Boulder.
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  • Counseling
    • Highly Sensitive Person Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Grief Counseling
    • Counseling for Illness
  • Bio
    • Bio
    • Medical Disclaimer
    • Privacy Policy
  • The Hope Blog
  • Locations
    • Arvada Office
    • Boulder Office
  • Contact