Psychotherapy offers several advantages over medication for treating anxiety:

1. Addresses the root causes of anxiety: Psychotherapy helps individuals identify and understand the underlying thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that contribute to their anxiety. By addressing these root causes, therapy can help individuals develop long-lasting coping mechanisms and prevent future anxiety episodes.
2. Teaches coping skills: Psychotherapy provides individuals with practical skills and strategies to manage anxiety in the moment. These skills may include relaxation techniques, cognitive restructuring, and exposure therapy. With practice, individuals can learn to effectively manage their anxiety without relying on medication.
3. Promotes long-term resilience: Psychotherapy not only alleviates current anxiety symptoms but also helps individuals develop resilience against future anxiety and stress. By addressing the underlying causes and teaching coping skills, therapy empowers individuals to manage their mental health effectively over the long term.
4. No side effects: Unlike medication, psychotherapy does not come with the risk of side effects. This makes it a particularly appealing option for individuals who are hesitant to take medication or who have experienced adverse reactions in the past.
5. Holistic approach: Psychotherapy addresses the whole person, considering not only psychological factors but also social, emotional, and behavioral aspects. This holistic approach provides a more comprehensive and individualized treatment plan.
6. Empowers individuals: Psychotherapy encourages self-awareness and promotes self-efficacy. Individuals learn to identify their triggers, manage their emotions, and make positive choices for their mental well-being. This empowerment can lead to greater confidence and improved overall quality of life.
7. Preventive approach: Psychotherapy can also serve as a preventive measure, helping individuals identify patterns and develop coping skills before anxiety becomes a significant problem. Early intervention can significantly reduce the severity and duration of anxiety disorders.

While medication can provide rapid symptom relief in some cases, psychotherapy offers a more comprehensive and long-term approach to managing anxiety. By addressing the root causes, teaching coping skills, and promoting resilience, psychotherapy empowers individuals to take control of their mental health and achieve lasting well-being.
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​Scott F. Olds is a psychotherapist who is located in Arvada, Colorado. He offers a free 30-minute phone or video consultation. Appointments can be made by calling (303) 817-8369 or emailing [email protected].

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which one person makes another person doubt their perceptions, experiences, memories, or understanding of events that happened. It is a subtle and insidious form of abuse that can have a devastating impact on the victim's mental and emotional health.

Gaslighting can occur in any type of relationship, but it is particularly common in romantic relationships. This is because romantic partners often have a high level of trust and intimacy, which makes them more vulnerable to manipulation.

Gaslighters typically use a variety of tactics to achieve their goals, including:

• Denying or minimizing events: A gaslighter might deny that something ever happened, even if the victim has clear evidence that it did. They might also minimize the significance of the event, or try to convince the victim that they are overreacting.
• Shifting the blame: Gaslighters often turn the tables on their victims, making them feel responsible for the gaslighter's own bad behavior. They might also blame the victim for being too sensitive or for misinterpreting their intentions.
• Isolating the victim: Gaslighters may try to isolate their victims from friends and family, making it more difficult for them to get support and validation. They might also discourage the victim from talking to others about what is happening in the relationship.
• Making the victim feel crazy: Gaslighters may try to convince their victims that they are losing their mind, or that they are simply too emotional or unstable to understand reality. They might also make the victim feel like they are the ones who are causing the problems in the relationship.

Over time, gaslighting can have a devastating impact on the victim's self-esteem, confidence, and trust in others. They may start to doubt their own sanity and reality, and they may become withdrawn and isolated. Gaslighting can also lead to depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems.

If you are in a relationship with someone who is gaslighting you, it is important to seek help from a qualified psychotherapist. A therapist can help you to understand what is happening to you, and they can provide you with support and guidance as you work to recover from the effects of gaslighting.

Here are some tips for coping with gaslighting in a relationship:

• Trust your instincts: If you have a gut feeling that something is wrong, it probably is. Don't let your partner convince you otherwise.
• Talk to someone you trust: It is important to have someone you can talk to about what is happening in your relationship. This could be a friend, family member, therapist, or support group.
• Keep a record of events: If your partner is gaslighting you, it can be helpful to keep a record of what is happening. This could include writing down dates, times, and details of specific events.
• Set boundaries: It is important to set boundaries with your partner, and to stick to them. For example, you might decide that you are no longer willing to engage in conversations about certain topics.
• Consider leaving the relationship: If your partner is gaslighting you, it is important to consider leaving the relationship. Gaslighting is a form of abuse, and it is not likely to change unless your partner is willing to seek professional help.

If you are thinking about leaving a gaslighting relationship, it is important to have a safety plan in place. This should include having a place to go where you will be safe, and having a way to contact people who can support you.
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It is also important to remember that you are not alone. If gaslighting is a problem in your relationship, therapy can help. Contact Scott at (303) 817-8369 or email at [email protected] for a free phone or video evaluation.

I often work with clients who are struggling to set boundaries with a narcissist. Narcissists are people with a personality disorder that is characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.

Narcissists can be very difficult to deal with, as they often try to control and manipulate the people around them. They may also be very critical and demanding. It is important to remember that you cannot change a narcissist's behavior. However, you can set boundaries to protect yourself from their abuse.

Here are some tips for setting boundaries with a narcissist:

• Identify your boundaries. What are the things that you are willing and unwilling to do? What are the things that you will and will not tolerate? Once you know what your boundaries are, it will be easier to communicate them to the narcissist.
• Be clear and direct. When communicating your boundaries, be clear and direct. Avoid using vague or ambiguous language. For example, instead of saying "I don't like it when you criticize me," say "I need you to stop criticizing me. It makes me feel bad about myself."
• Be firm. It is important to be firm when setting boundaries with a narcissist. This means not giving in to their demands or manipulation. It is also important to be consistent with your boundaries. If you give in one time, the narcissist will be more likely to try to control you in the future.
• Be prepared for consequences. It is important to be prepared for the possibility that the narcissist will not respect your boundaries. If this happens, you may need to enforce your boundaries by withdrawing from the relationship or by taking other steps to protect yourself.

Here are some additional tips for setting boundaries with a narcissist:

• Don't try to explain your boundaries. Narcissists are not interested in understanding your perspective. They only care about what they want. Trying to explain your boundaries to a narcissist is only going to frustrate you.
• Don't engage in arguments or power struggles. Narcissists love to argue and fight. If you get into an argument with a narcissist, they are going to try to win at all costs. This means that they will say and do anything to hurt you and make you feel bad. If you find yourself arguing with a narcissist, simply disengage and walk away.
• Seek support from others. Narcissists try to isolate you from others. It can be very helpful to talk to a friend, family member, or therapist about what you are going through. They can offer support and guidance as you work to set boundaries with the narcissist in your life.

It is important to remember that you cannot change a narcissist. However, you can set boundaries to protect yourself from their abuse. By setting and enforcing boundaries, you are taking steps to protect your well-being.
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If you are struggling to set boundaries with a narcissist, please know that you are not alone. There are people who care about you and want to help. Please reach out to a friend, family member, therapist, or other support person for help.

I can help. Call Scott at (303) 817) 8369 or email at [email protected] for a free phone or video evaluation.

Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that can have a lasting impact on a person's life. It can affect a person's physical and mental health, their relationships, and their ability to cope with stress.

One of the ways that trauma can impact a person is by affecting their emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage one's own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. When a person experiences trauma, they may develop unhealthy coping mechanisms that can damage their emotional intelligence.

For example, a person who has experienced abuse may learn to suppress their emotions in order to cope with the pain. This can lead to difficulty identifying and expressing emotions, which can make it difficult to build healthy relationships and manage stress.

Another way that trauma can impact emotional intelligence is by creating learned patterns of behavior. These patterns are often developed in childhood as a way to cope with the trauma. For example, a child who is neglected may learn to become self-reliant and independent. This pattern of behavior can be helpful in some situations, but it can also make it difficult to form close relationships as an adult.

A psychotherapist can help a person who has experienced trauma to improve their emotional intelligence and break free from learned patterns of behavior. This can be done through a variety of techniques, such as:

• Emotional awareness: Helping the person to identify and understand their emotions.
• Emotional regulation: Teaching the person how to manage their emotions in a healthy way.
• Interpersonal skills: Helping the person to develop healthy relationships.
• Cognitive restructuring: Helping the person to challenge negative thoughts and beliefs that are associated with the trauma.

By working with a psychotherapist, a person who has experienced trauma can learn to heal and rebuild their emotional intelligence. This can lead to a better understanding of themselves and their emotions, as well as the ability to build healthy and fulfilling relationships.

In addition to the techniques mentioned above, a psychotherapist may also use other approaches, such as:

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): This therapy helps to reduce the emotional and physical symptoms of trauma by stimulating the brain's natural healing process.
• Somatic Therapy: This therapy helps people to release the physical and emotional tension that is associated with trauma.

The best approach for a particular individual will depend on the nature of their trauma and their individual needs. A psychotherapist can help to assess the best approach and provide the support and guidance that the person needs to heal.

If you or someone you know has experienced trauma, it is important to seek professional help. A psychotherapist can help you to understand and heal from the trauma, and to improve your emotional intelligence and break free from learned patterns of behavior.

For help overcoming trauma, contact Scott Olds at (303) 817-8369 or email at [email protected] for a free phone or video evaluation.

Guilt and grief are two of the most common emotions that people experience after a loss. Guilt can be caused by a variety of factors, such as feeling responsible for the loss, wishing that you had done something differently, or feeling like you didn't love the person enough. Grief is the natural emotional response to loss, and it can manifest itself in a variety of ways, such as sadness, anger, anxiety, and loneliness.

While guilt and grief are normal emotions, they can be difficult to cope with. If you are struggling to overcome guilt and grief, there are a few things that you can do:

1. Acknowledge your feelings. The first step to overcoming guilt and grief is to acknowledge your feelings. It is important to allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling, without judgment.
2. Talk about your feelings. Talking about your feelings can be helpful in processing them and moving on. Talk to a therapist, a friend, or a family member about what you are going through.
3. Challenge your negative thoughts. Guilt often stems from negative thoughts about yourself, such as "I should have done more" or "I'm a bad person." Challenge these thoughts by asking yourself if they are realistic and helpful.
4. Forgive yourself. If you are feeling guilty, it is important to forgive yourself. This does not mean that you have to forget what happened, but it does mean that you need to let go of the guilt, process the unhelpful emotions, and heal.
5. Take care of yourself. When you are grieving, it is important to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly. You may also want to consider joining a support group or talking to a therapist.

Overcoming guilt and grief takes time and effort, but it is possible. By following these tips, you can start to heal and move on with your life.
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Here are some additional tips that a psychotherapist might use to help a client overcome guilt and grief:

• Grief counseling can help clients to understand the grieving process and to develop healthy coping mechanisms.
• Support groups can provide a safe space for clients to share their experiences with others who are going through the same thing.

If you are struggling to overcome guilt and grief, it is important to seek professional help. A therapist can provide you with the support and guidance that you need to heal.

Call Scott at (303) 817-8369 or email at [email protected] to see if grief counseling is right for you.

As children, we learn about relationships by watching our parents interact with each other. We see how they communicate, how they resolve conflict, and how they show love and affection. These observations become our template for how we expect relationships to work.

If our parents had a healthy, loving relationship, we are more likely to have secure attachment styles as adults. This means that we feel confident in our ability to form close relationships and that we expect to be loved and supported by our partners.

However, if our parents had an unhealthy or conflictual relationship, we are more likely to have insecure attachment styles. This means that we may have difficulty trusting others, may be afraid of abandonment, or may have a hard time expressing our emotions in relationships.

​Of course, our relationship style is not determined solely by our parents. Our own experiences and personality also play a role. However, our parents' relationship style can have a significant impact on how we approach our own relationships as adults.

Generational Influence
The generational influence on relationship styles is a complex topic. There are many factors that can contribute to how we learn about relationships from our parents, including their own attachment styles, their cultural background, and the historical context in which they grew up.

For example, people who grew up in families where there was a lot of conflict may be more likely to have insecure attachment styles. This is because they may have learned that relationships are inherently unstable and that conflict is inevitable.

On the other hand, people who grew up in families where there was a lot of love and support may be more likely to have secure attachment styles. This is because they may have learned that relationships are a source of comfort and security.

It is also important to note that the generational influence on relationship styles can be passed down from generation to generation. This is because children learn about relationships from their parents, who learned about relationships from their parents, and so on.

As a result, it is not uncommon for people to find themselves repeating the same relationship patterns that their parents did. This can be a challenge to break, but it is possible with awareness and effort.
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Here are some specific ways that the relationship style we learned from our parents can influence us in our adult relationships:

• How we communicate. If our parents communicated in a healthy way, we are more likely to be able to communicate effectively in our own relationships. We will be able to express our needs and feelings in a clear and direct way, and we will be able to listen to our partners' needs and feelings with empathy.
• How we resolve conflict. If our parents were able to resolve conflict in a healthy way, we are more likely to be able to do the same in our own relationships. We will be able to see conflict as an opportunity to grow and learn, and we will be able to communicate our needs and feelings in a way that is respectful and constructive.
• How we show love and affection. If our parents showed love and affection in a healthy way, we are more likely to be able to do the same in our own relationships. We will be able to express our love and appreciation for our partners in a way that is both genuine and comfortable.

If you are concerned that the relationship style you learned from your parents is negatively impacting your own relationships, there are things you can do to change. You can talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you to understand your attachment style and develop healthier relationship patterns. You can also learn about healthy communication and conflict resolution skills.

Remember, you are not doomed to repeat the relationship patterns you learned from your parents. With awareness and effort, you can create healthy, fulfilling relationships in your own life.

Here are some additional tips for breaking the cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns:

• Become aware of your triggers. What are the things that tend to make you feel insecure or anxious in relationships? Once you know your triggers, you can start to develop strategies for coping with them in a healthy way.
• Challenge your negative beliefs about relationships. If you have negative beliefs about relationships, such as "I'm not good enough" or "I'm always going to be hurt," challenge these beliefs with evidence to the contrary.
• Practice healthy communication and conflict resolution skills. There are many resources available to help you learn these skills. Talk to a therapist, counselor, or read books or articles on the topic.
• Be patient with yourself. It takes time and effort to change old patterns. Don't get discouraged if you don't see results immediately. Just keep practicing and you will eventually break the cycle.
  
  

If you need help with your relationship, contact Scott Olds at (303) 817-8369 or [email protected].