Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which one person makes another person doubt their perceptions, experiences, memories, or understanding of events that happened. It is a subtle and insidious form of abuse that can have a devastating impact on the victim's mental and emotional health.

Gaslighting can occur in any type of relationship, but it is particularly common in romantic relationships. This is because romantic partners often have a high level of trust and intimacy, which makes them more vulnerable to manipulation.

Gaslighters typically use a variety of tactics to achieve their goals, including:

• Denying or minimizing events: A gaslighter might deny that something ever happened, even if the victim has clear evidence that it did. They might also minimize the significance of the event, or try to convince the victim that they are overreacting.
• Shifting the blame: Gaslighters often turn the tables on their victims, making them feel responsible for the gaslighter's own bad behavior. They might also blame the victim for being too sensitive or for misinterpreting their intentions.
• Isolating the victim: Gaslighters may try to isolate their victims from friends and family, making it more difficult for them to get support and validation. They might also discourage the victim from talking to others about what is happening in the relationship.
• Making the victim feel crazy: Gaslighters may try to convince their victims that they are losing their mind, or that they are simply too emotional or unstable to understand reality. They might also make the victim feel like they are the ones who are causing the problems in the relationship.

Over time, gaslighting can have a devastating impact on the victim's self-esteem, confidence, and trust in others. They may start to doubt their own sanity and reality, and they may become withdrawn and isolated. Gaslighting can also lead to depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems.

If you are in a relationship with someone who is gaslighting you, it is important to seek help from a qualified psychotherapist. A therapist can help you to understand what is happening to you, and they can provide you with support and guidance as you work to recover from the effects of gaslighting.

Here are some tips for coping with gaslighting in a relationship:

• Trust your instincts: If you have a gut feeling that something is wrong, it probably is. Don't let your partner convince you otherwise.
• Talk to someone you trust: It is important to have someone you can talk to about what is happening in your relationship. This could be a friend, family member, therapist, or support group.
• Keep a record of events: If your partner is gaslighting you, it can be helpful to keep a record of what is happening. This could include writing down dates, times, and details of specific events.
• Set boundaries: It is important to set boundaries with your partner, and to stick to them. For example, you might decide that you are no longer willing to engage in conversations about certain topics.
• Consider leaving the relationship: If your partner is gaslighting you, it is important to consider leaving the relationship. Gaslighting is a form of abuse, and it is not likely to change unless your partner is willing to seek professional help.

If you are thinking about leaving a gaslighting relationship, it is important to have a safety plan in place. This should include having a place to go where you will be safe, and having a way to contact people who can support you.
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It is also important to remember that you are not alone. If gaslighting is a problem in your relationship, therapy can help. Contact Scott at (303) 817-8369 or email at [email protected] for a free phone or video evaluation.

I often work with clients who are struggling to set boundaries with a narcissist. Narcissists are people with a personality disorder that is characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.

Narcissists can be very difficult to deal with, as they often try to control and manipulate the people around them. They may also be very critical and demanding. It is important to remember that you cannot change a narcissist's behavior. However, you can set boundaries to protect yourself from their abuse.

Here are some tips for setting boundaries with a narcissist:

• Identify your boundaries. What are the things that you are willing and unwilling to do? What are the things that you will and will not tolerate? Once you know what your boundaries are, it will be easier to communicate them to the narcissist.
• Be clear and direct. When communicating your boundaries, be clear and direct. Avoid using vague or ambiguous language. For example, instead of saying "I don't like it when you criticize me," say "I need you to stop criticizing me. It makes me feel bad about myself."
• Be firm. It is important to be firm when setting boundaries with a narcissist. This means not giving in to their demands or manipulation. It is also important to be consistent with your boundaries. If you give in one time, the narcissist will be more likely to try to control you in the future.
• Be prepared for consequences. It is important to be prepared for the possibility that the narcissist will not respect your boundaries. If this happens, you may need to enforce your boundaries by withdrawing from the relationship or by taking other steps to protect yourself.

Here are some additional tips for setting boundaries with a narcissist:

• Don't try to explain your boundaries. Narcissists are not interested in understanding your perspective. They only care about what they want. Trying to explain your boundaries to a narcissist is only going to frustrate you.
• Don't engage in arguments or power struggles. Narcissists love to argue and fight. If you get into an argument with a narcissist, they are going to try to win at all costs. This means that they will say and do anything to hurt you and make you feel bad. If you find yourself arguing with a narcissist, simply disengage and walk away.
• Seek support from others. Narcissists try to isolate you from others. It can be very helpful to talk to a friend, family member, or therapist about what you are going through. They can offer support and guidance as you work to set boundaries with the narcissist in your life.

It is important to remember that you cannot change a narcissist. However, you can set boundaries to protect yourself from their abuse. By setting and enforcing boundaries, you are taking steps to protect your well-being.
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If you are struggling to set boundaries with a narcissist, please know that you are not alone. There are people who care about you and want to help. Please reach out to a friend, family member, therapist, or other support person for help.

I can help. Call Scott at (303) 817) 8369 or email at [email protected] for a free phone or video evaluation.

As children, we learn about relationships by watching our parents interact with each other. We see how they communicate, how they resolve conflict, and how they show love and affection. These observations become our template for how we expect relationships to work.

If our parents had a healthy, loving relationship, we are more likely to have secure attachment styles as adults. This means that we feel confident in our ability to form close relationships and that we expect to be loved and supported by our partners.

However, if our parents had an unhealthy or conflictual relationship, we are more likely to have insecure attachment styles. This means that we may have difficulty trusting others, may be afraid of abandonment, or may have a hard time expressing our emotions in relationships.

​Of course, our relationship style is not determined solely by our parents. Our own experiences and personality also play a role. However, our parents' relationship style can have a significant impact on how we approach our own relationships as adults.

Generational Influence
The generational influence on relationship styles is a complex topic. There are many factors that can contribute to how we learn about relationships from our parents, including their own attachment styles, their cultural background, and the historical context in which they grew up.

For example, people who grew up in families where there was a lot of conflict may be more likely to have insecure attachment styles. This is because they may have learned that relationships are inherently unstable and that conflict is inevitable.

On the other hand, people who grew up in families where there was a lot of love and support may be more likely to have secure attachment styles. This is because they may have learned that relationships are a source of comfort and security.

It is also important to note that the generational influence on relationship styles can be passed down from generation to generation. This is because children learn about relationships from their parents, who learned about relationships from their parents, and so on.

As a result, it is not uncommon for people to find themselves repeating the same relationship patterns that their parents did. This can be a challenge to break, but it is possible with awareness and effort.
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Here are some specific ways that the relationship style we learned from our parents can influence us in our adult relationships:

• How we communicate. If our parents communicated in a healthy way, we are more likely to be able to communicate effectively in our own relationships. We will be able to express our needs and feelings in a clear and direct way, and we will be able to listen to our partners' needs and feelings with empathy.
• How we resolve conflict. If our parents were able to resolve conflict in a healthy way, we are more likely to be able to do the same in our own relationships. We will be able to see conflict as an opportunity to grow and learn, and we will be able to communicate our needs and feelings in a way that is respectful and constructive.
• How we show love and affection. If our parents showed love and affection in a healthy way, we are more likely to be able to do the same in our own relationships. We will be able to express our love and appreciation for our partners in a way that is both genuine and comfortable.

If you are concerned that the relationship style you learned from your parents is negatively impacting your own relationships, there are things you can do to change. You can talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you to understand your attachment style and develop healthier relationship patterns. You can also learn about healthy communication and conflict resolution skills.

Remember, you are not doomed to repeat the relationship patterns you learned from your parents. With awareness and effort, you can create healthy, fulfilling relationships in your own life.

Here are some additional tips for breaking the cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns:

• Become aware of your triggers. What are the things that tend to make you feel insecure or anxious in relationships? Once you know your triggers, you can start to develop strategies for coping with them in a healthy way.
• Challenge your negative beliefs about relationships. If you have negative beliefs about relationships, such as "I'm not good enough" or "I'm always going to be hurt," challenge these beliefs with evidence to the contrary.
• Practice healthy communication and conflict resolution skills. There are many resources available to help you learn these skills. Talk to a therapist, counselor, or read books or articles on the topic.
• Be patient with yourself. It takes time and effort to change old patterns. Don't get discouraged if you don't see results immediately. Just keep practicing and you will eventually break the cycle.
  
  

If you need help with your relationship, contact Scott Olds at (303) 817-8369 or [email protected].

If you are a highly sensitive person (HSP) in an abusive relationship, you may feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and even hopeless. You may be wondering if you are crazy or if you are just too sensitive.
The truth is, you are not crazy. You are simply a highly sensitive person who has gotten into a relationship with an abuser. Abuse can take many forms, including physical, emotional, verbal, and financial abuse.
As an HSP, you are naturally empathic and caring. You are drawn to people who are in need, and you want to help them. This makes you a prime target for an abuser. Abusers are often very good at manipulating and controlling others, and they can easily take advantage of your sensitivity.
If you are in an abusive relationship, you may be experiencing some of the following:

• You feel like you are walking on eggshells. You never know what will set off the abuser, and you are constantly afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing.
  
• You feel like you are never good enough. The abuser is constantly criticizing you, and they make you feel like you are never measuring up.
  
• You feel isolated and alone. The abuser may isolate you from your friends and family, and they may make you feel like you are the only person who understands them.
  
• You feel exhausted and drained. Dealing with an abuser is emotionally and mentally exhausting. You may feel like you are constantly giving and giving, and you never get anything in return.
  

If you are experiencing any of these things, it is important to know that you are not alone. There are many other HSPs who have been in similar situations. You are not crazy, and you are not to blame.
If you are ready to get out of your abusive relationship, there are a few things you can do:

• Seek professional help. A therapist can help you understand your relationship with the abuser, and they can teach you how to set boundaries and protect yourself.
  
• Build a support network. Talk to your friends and family about what you are going through. They can offer you support and encouragement.
  
• Take care of yourself. Make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, and exercising regularly. Taking care of yourself will help you to cope with the stress of the situation.
  

Breaking up with an abuser is not easy, but it is possible. With the right support, you can heal from the relationship and move on with your life.
If you are a highly sensitive person in an abusive relationship, please know that you are not alone. There is help available. Please reach out to Scott Olds, Psychotherapist, for support.
Here are some additional resources that you may find helpful:

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
  
• The National Center for Victims of Crime: 1-800-FYI-CALL
  
• The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE
  

To find out more, schedule an appointment with Scott Olds at ​(303) 817-8369 or email me at [email protected].

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