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Reprocessing the Pain: How EMDR Helps Heal Trauma's Grip

2/2/2024

 
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Trauma can have a debilitating effect on a person's life. The raw emotions, intrusive thoughts, and maladaptive behaviors triggered by past experiences can create a prison of suffering. Fortunately, therapies like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) offer a powerful tool for breaking free.

Beyond Talk Therapy: A Different Approach

Traditional talk therapy often delves into the "why" behind our issues, exploring the roots of our thoughts and behaviors. While valuable, it doesn't always address the raw emotional charge associated with trauma. EMDR takes a different path. We don't just talk about the event; we reprocess it, aiming to shift how the brain stores the memory.

The Power of Bilateral Stimulation:

The "eye movement" in EMDR isn't just a catchy name. It refers to various forms of bilateral stimulation, like side-to-side eye movements, hand taps, or auditory tones. While the exact mechanism remains under investigation, research suggests this stimulation activates the brain's natural processing and healing mechanisms.

Unlocking the Vault:

The first step is to create “grounding,” a safe space to explore the traumatic feelings. During EMDR sessions, you'll safely explore specific aspects of the traumatic memory, focusing on the most disturbing images, thoughts, and emotions. As you do, I'll guide you through the bilateral stimulation, creating a safe space for your brain to begin revisiting and reprocessing the experience.

It's Not About Erasing Memories:

It's important to clarify that EMDR doesn't erase memories. The events themselves remain, but their emotional sting is lessened. Imagine the memory like a locked file cabinet. EMDR helps reorganize that file, making it easier to access without being overwhelmed by the associated negativity.

Transforming the Negative Narrative:

As you reprocess the trauma, you'll also have the opportunity to develop a more empowering narrative about the experience. This could involve identifying positive self-beliefs, like "I am strong" or "I survived," that counter the negative self-talk often linked to trauma.
Beyond Trauma: A Wider Scope:

While EMDR was initially developed for trauma, its applications have expanded. It can be effective for phobias, anxiety, depression, and even grief. The core principle remains the same: addressing the underlying emotional charge associated with distressing experiences.

Is EMDR for Everyone?

Like any therapy, EMDR isn't a one-size-fits-all solution. It requires commitment and active participation. However, for many individuals struggling with the aftereffects of trauma, it can offer a beacon of hope and a path towards healing. If you're interested in exploring EMDR, speaking with a qualified therapist is the first step. Remember, you are not alone in your journey towards healing.

Take The Next Step

Take the next step in your recovery journey. Contact Scott Olds at (303) 817-8369 or email at [email protected] for a free phone or video evaluation.

EMDR: Shining a Light on Traumatic Grief's Dark Corners

1/12/2024

 
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As a psychotherapist, I've witnessed countless individuals battling the tempestuous waves of grief. While mourning is a natural process, sometimes the loss of a loved one can be intertwined with trauma, creating a double dose of heartache. This "traumatic grief" can leave you adrift in a sea of overwhelming emotions, clinging to distorted memories and struggling to find your way back to the shore of acceptance.

This is where Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) takes center stage. Often hailed as a revolutionary tool for trauma treatment, EMDR can be a beacon of hope for those grappling with traumatic grief. Its unique approach bypasses the analytical, ruminative tendencies of talk therapy and instead taps into the brain's inherent capacity for healing.

Imagine yourself trapped in a labyrinth of painful memories, each corner echoing with the anguish of loss. EMDR becomes the Ariadne's thread, guiding you through this maze.
Here's how it works:
  1. Resourcing: Before diving into processing painful memories, EMDR therapy equips you with internal "superpowers" through resourcing. It's like building an emotional fortress. Guided by your therapist, you access positive experiences, strengths, and calming images. Think of safe places, supportive figures, or even inner wisdom. Using bilateral stimulation (like eye movements), these resources are strengthened and readily available during tougher EMDR phases. This empowers you to face past struggles with more stability and confidence, paving the way for successful healing.
  2. Desensitizing the Distress: We start by carefully identifying the core memories driving your emotional turmoil. Think of these like emotional landmines – memories laced with intense feelings of grief, anger, guilt, shame, or fear. With gentle support, you'll briefly recall these memories while engaging in bilateral stimulation (eye movements, sounds, or taps). This seemingly simple act activates your brain's natural information processing, allowing it to gradually "de-fuse" the emotional charge attached to these memories.
  3. Reprocessing the Past: EMDR doesn't erase memories; it transforms them. As you engage in bilateral stimulation, the seemingly unyielding grip of negative thoughts and emotions starts to loosen. New perspectives emerge, allowing you to re-evaluate the past with a sense of calm and understanding. You might come to terms with unaddressed feelings, forgive yourself or others, or develop a more meaningful narrative about the loss.
  4. Embracing the Present: The ultimate goal of EMDR is not to forget the past but to integrate it into a larger, more peaceful story of your life. As you reprocess your traumatic memories, you gain emotional distance from them, reducing their influence on your present life. This, in turn, opens the door to living more fully in the present, engaging with hope and rebuilding a sense of joy and purpose.
Beyond Words: Unlike traditional therapy, EMDR works directly with the brain's implicit memory system, where raw emotions and sensory experiences reside. This bypasses the limitations of language, making it particularly effective for individuals who struggle to articulate their grief or are overwhelmed by intense emotions.

A Tailored Approach: The beauty of EMDR lies in its flexibility. It can be seamlessly integrated into various therapeutic approaches, making it suitable for a wide range of individuals and grief experiences. Whether you've lost a loved one to sudden death, a prolonged illness, or even natural disaster, EMDR can offer a path to healing.

A Beacon of Hope: While grief is a universal human experience, traumatic grief can feel like a solitary burden. EMDR empowers you to break free from its isolating grip. It offers a roadmap out of the labyrinth of pain, leading you towards a future where the memory of your loved one holds not just sorrow, but also love, gratitude, and perhaps even a renewed sense of meaning.

As a psychotherapist, I've seen firsthand the transformative power of EMDR in helping individuals navigate the turbulent waters of traumatic grief. If you're struggling with a loss that feels insurmountable, remember, there is hope. EMDR can be the lighthouse guiding you back to calmer waters, allowing you to embrace life with an open heart and find peace amidst the storm.

For a free phone or video call evaluation, contact Scott at (303) 817-8369 or email at [email protected]. 


Guilt and Grief: How to Overcome Them

9/8/2023

 
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Guilt and grief are two of the most common emotions that people experience after a loss. Guilt can be caused by a variety of factors, such as feeling responsible for the loss, wishing that you had done something differently, or feeling like you didn't love the person enough. Grief is the natural emotional response to loss, and it can manifest itself in a variety of ways, such as sadness, anger, anxiety, and loneliness.

While guilt and grief are normal emotions, they can be difficult to cope with. If you are struggling to overcome guilt and grief, there are a few things that you can do:
  1. Acknowledge your feelings. The first step to overcoming guilt and grief is to acknowledge your feelings. It is important to allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling, without judgment.
  2. Talk about your feelings. Talking about your feelings can be helpful in processing them and moving on. Talk to a therapist, a friend, or a family member about what you are going through.
  3. Challenge your negative thoughts. Guilt often stems from negative thoughts about yourself, such as "I should have done more" or "I'm a bad person." Challenge these thoughts by asking yourself if they are realistic and helpful.
  4. Forgive yourself. If you are feeling guilty, it is important to forgive yourself. This does not mean that you have to forget what happened, but it does mean that you need to let go of the guilt, process the unhelpful emotions, and heal.
  5. Take care of yourself. When you are grieving, it is important to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly. You may also want to consider joining a support group or talking to a therapist.
Overcoming guilt and grief takes time and effort, but it is possible. By following these tips, you can start to heal and move on with your life.
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Here are some additional tips that a psychotherapist might use to help a client overcome guilt and grief:
  • Grief counseling can help clients to understand the grieving process and to develop healthy coping mechanisms.
  • Support groups can provide a safe space for clients to share their experiences with others who are going through the same thing.
If you are struggling to overcome guilt and grief, it is important to seek professional help. A therapist can provide you with the support and guidance that you need to heal.

Call Scott at (303) 817-8369 or email at [email protected] to see if grief counseling is right for you.


Shame As It Relates To Caregivers of the Chronically Ill

8/11/2023

 
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As a psychotherapist and in my personal life, I have seen firsthand the impact that shame can have on caregivers for the chronically ill. Shame can be a powerful emotion that can lead to feelings of isolation, inadequacy, and worthlessness. It can also make it difficult to ask for help or support.

There are a number of reasons why caregivers may feel shame. They may feel ashamed of the illness itself, or of the way it has changed their lives. They may feel ashamed of their own limitations, or of the things they have to do to care for their loved one. They may also feel ashamed of the financial or emotional burden that the illness has placed on their family.

Shame can have a significant impact on a caregiver's mental and physical health. It can lead to anxiety, depression, stress, and burnout. It can also make it difficult to cope with the demands of caregiving.

If you are a caregiver for a chronically ill loved one, it is important to remember that you are not alone. There are many other caregivers who are going through the same thing. You are not to blame for the illness, and you are not inadequate. You are doing the best you can in a difficult situation.

If you are struggling with feelings of shame, there are things you can do to cope. First, it is important to talk to someone about how you are feeling. A therapist can help you to understand your shame and develop coping mechanisms. You can also find support groups for caregivers, where you can connect with others who understand what you are going through.

It is also important to remember to take care of yourself. Make sure to get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly. You should also make time for activities that you enjoy. Taking care of yourself will help you to be better able to cope with the demands of caregiving.

If you are struggling with feelings of shame, please know that you are not alone. There is help available. Please reach out for support.

Here are some additional resources for caregivers who are struggling with shame:
  • The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) offers a caregiver support group program called "Family-to-Family." This program provides education, support, and resources to family members and friends of people with mental illness.
  • The National Family Caregivers Association (NFCA) offers a variety of resources for caregivers, including a website, a helpline, and a bimonthly magazine.
  • The Caregiver Action Network (CAN) offers a variety of resources for caregivers, including a website, a helpline, and a toolkit for managing stress.
Please remember that you are not alone. There are many resources available to help you cope with the challenges of caregiving.
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If you are struggling as a caregiver and need help, contact Scott at (303) 817-8369 or [email protected].

The Emotional and Psychological Toll Due to Chronic Illness

8/4/2023

 
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As a psychotherapist, I have seen firsthand the emotional and psychological toll that chronic illness can take on individuals and their families. The physical symptoms of chronic illness can be debilitating, but the emotional and psychological effects can be just as challenging.
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Some of the common emotional and psychological challenges that people with chronic illness face include:
  • Fear and anxiety: People with chronic illness often live with a constant fear of the unknown. They may worry about the future course of their illness, the possibility of complications, or even death. This fear can lead to anxiety, which can manifest in a variety of ways, such as difficulty sleeping, difficulty concentrating, and increased irritability.
  • Depression: Depression is a common mental health disorder that can be triggered by chronic illness. People with depression may experience feelings of sadness, hopelessness, worthlessness, and fatigue. They may also lose interest in activities they used to enjoy and have difficulty sleeping or concentrating.
  • Anger: Anger is another common emotion that people with chronic illness experience. They may be angry at their illness, at their doctors, at their family and friends, or even at themselves. Anger can be a destructive emotion, but it can also be a motivating force.
  • Grief: People with chronic illness often experience grief, both for the life they used to have and for the life they may never have. They may grieve the loss of their health, their independence, their relationships, or even their dreams.
  • Isolation: People with chronic illness can often feel isolated from their friends and family. They may feel like they are no longer able to participate in the activities they used to enjoy, and they may feel like a burden to their loved ones. This isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness, sadness, and despair.
The emotional and psychological toll of chronic illness can be significant, but it is important to remember that you are not alone. There are many resources available to help you cope with the challenges of chronic illness, including therapy, support groups, and online resources.

If you are struggling to cope with the emotional and psychological effects of chronic illness, please reach out for help. There is no shame in seeking help, and it can make a big difference in your quality of life.

Tips for Coping with the Emotional and Psychological Toll of Chronic Illness
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  • Talk to someone you trust: Talking about your feelings can help you to process them and to feel less alone. This could be a friend, family member, therapist, or support group member.
  • Find healthy ways to cope with stress: This could include exercise, relaxation techniques, or spending time in nature.
  • Take care of yourself: Make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and getting regular exercise.
  • Set realistic goals: Don't try to do too much too soon. Set small, achievable goals for yourself and celebrate your successes.
  • Don't be afraid to ask for help: There are many people who are willing to help you, so don't be afraid to reach out.
Coping with the emotional and psychological toll of chronic illness can be challenging, but it is possible. By taking care of yourself and seeking support, you can live a full and meaningful life.

To find out more, schedule an appointment with Scott Olds at ​(303) 817-8369 or email me at [email protected].

From Grief to Hope

11/24/2017

 
My Story
I open my blog with a story of how I arrived at grief and loss counseling.

My journey through grief and recovery began when my wife was diagnosed with ALS, an incurable, debilitating, and fatal disease. Everything changed for us. I went from husband to caregiver and Teri went from family caregiver to patient. We felt a deep sense of loss.

We lost our stability, peace, and privacy. Our house became “Grand Central Station,” with weekly doctor visits and all manner of tests.  Even our happy house of 20 years became a challenge, lacking handicap accessibility.

Our life was changing and we felt powerless to stop it. At first she needed a cane, then a walker, and finally a wheelchair, all within the first four months. We reached out and began attending monthly ALS support groups. There, a patient told us that ALS stands for ”always losing something” -- I agreed -- not just for the patient, but for everyone involved in this journey.

The first year was filled with grief for the loss of many things. The hardest thing I had ever done was to tell my children their mother was going to die. I will never forget the look in their eyes. Surprisingly our relationships with extended family and friends changed. Individuals I expected to be there for us became distant, unable to cope with our situation, while others, unexpectedly, stepped in with incredible support. For Teri and me that first year was miserable. As a couple we were frustrated and angry. Publicly we appeared to be coping well. Alone, the tears poured out.

With the help of counseling and support groups, we improved our coping skills and regained a measure of control over our lives. We realized that quality of life was most important to us and resolved to make the most of it. We made some tough medical decisions and shifted our focus to caring for each other and sharing our experience with others.

I learned the hard way and eventually with the help of others. Today, I pass on what I learned about grief to help you move beyond loss to experience joy and happiness.

Defining Grief
Broadly defined, grief is the loss of anything to which we are emotionally attached. When I began counseling, my focus was death and dying because that's what I understood. As I worked with others, I realized grief touched them in many ways. To help them, I trained on techniques for marriage and family, trauma, childhood development, working with couples. The more I learned, it always circled back to some form of grief or loss. Indeed, grief and loss is frequently a factor in counseling. We are always trying to return to the perception of normal.

Some changes are by choice like getting married or moving to a new house. Adjusting to involuntary changes is harder. Grief gets shoved into a small corner when in truth it can shade many of our experiences, from the simple to the complex.

Here are a few examples that can cause grief and unresolved emotional pain.
  • Job loss can be devastating, particularly if our sense of purpose and self-worth is attached to that job.
  • Aging can create a sense of loss, as our health and independence deteriorate. Once simple tasks like standing or walking become a challenge, creating feelings of frustration and sadness. Age challenges our relationships too as those close to us drift away or pass on, be they a spouse, a child, or close friends. With a career or family behind us, we may feel disoriented, depressed, or lack a sense of purpose.
  • A parent, spouse, or close friend may develop dementia or other terminal illness and we grieve for both their loss and ours.
  • A traumatic brain injury can change your life. After the wounds heal, emotional disturbances may persist caused by our attachment to who we were.
  • Loss of a spouse or a child can cause us intense emotional distress. You care and it still hurts.
  • Grief can result from the loss of a house, car, or something special and irreplaceable.
As you can see, grief can occur at any time and in many forms.

Any big change in our lives can have some grief of what we wanted or thought about where your life was headed. Life is about change and when change happens you have loss. In that way grief and loss is part of life.

The Problem of Grief
What is the impact? Grief can be expressed physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. The symptoms of grief are varied and might include frequent crying, difficulty sleeping or feeling detached from others. Depression is a typical response that can adversely impact your health, relationships, and career. Feelings of anger and frustration can result from not getting the support you need from friends and relatives. Denial can lead to intense sorrow and anger. Untreated grief numbs your feelings, takes the joy and happiness out of life.

Support from friends may be too much or too little, even if well intended. Some friends become distant while others repeatedly ask the same questions, reminding us of our unresolved grief without resolving it.

You can't hold your feelings inside. If your symptoms of grief persist, treatment can help. You are not alone.

Treating Grief
Counseling is an effective treatment for grief, reducing the symptoms and helps you reintegrate with your friends and experience joy again.

The techniques I use are highly personalized because everyone’s needs are different. I evaluate each client and develop a personal connection to know your unique needs. The treatment plan is customized for you.

I am a man in a field dominated by women. Men are frequently perceived as uncaring and lack compassion. I enjoy the chance to change my client’s minds. Establishing that emotional connection, a sense of caring,  improves outcomes.

You can't make progress without being in a safe place. Compassion is an essential part of how I work and I use active listening to engage my clients in a safe space. I don't force anyone down a path that makes them uncomfortable. Everyone deals with grief differently. My goal is to help those who are overwhelmed, and their lives disrupted, to bring hope and joy to living again.

Hope
All these things can be helped if you take the first step and seek professional help. As a grief and loss counselor, people ask how I can be around so much sadness and depression. I tell them what an incredible experience it is to watch someone transcend grief and feel happiness joy and laughter.  
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I am here to guide you to a better place in your life, out of the darkness into the light, from despair to hope.

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    Author

    Scott F. Olds, Psychotherapist
    I provide counseling for trauma, anxiety, and PTSD using EMDR. I particularly enjoy working with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs). I work with individuals and couples.

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I offer sessions in the office, in an open space (weather permitting), by phone, and by video sessions for your safety and convenience. Take a deep breath and give me a call at (303) 817-8369 or email me at [email protected].

Confidential: I am HIPAA compliant, so your privacy is protected.

​Crisis Information: If you are in crisis, call Colorado Crisis and Support at 844-493-8255 or the national Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 for 24/7 for help in an emergency. These lifelines provide free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention, and crisis resources for you or your loved ones.​
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​Scott F. Olds, Psychotherapist
(303) 817-8369
​[email protected]
10960 W. 65th Way
Arvada, Colorado 80004
My office is in Arvada, Colorado.
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