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The Hope Blog

Six Factors For Successful Couples Counseling

4/26/2019

 
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If you want to improve the outcome of couples therapy, here are six things you can do to make your marriage counseling a success.

1. Set Goals For Yourself

Plan to work on yourself. Trying to change your partner is frequently ineffective. What do you want? What were your early expectations in this relationship? If you visualize the ideal relationship, what would that look like?
Today, what are your attitudes and behaviors? What keeps you from being a happier person? What can you improve? When you are stressed, how do you react? Do you try to control, nag, or complain? Do you withdraw? Fear not, your couples counselor will ensure both of you are working, not just you.

2. Be Open

Look for the feelings behind the feelings. There are frequently deeper reasons for surface feelings. Realizing why we feel the way we do can get be helpful. We might feel hopeless, helpless, or embarrassed, but why? Perhaps trust or resentment is an issue. Being more vulnerable to your partner in a safe place will create empathy and compassion.

3. Invest the Time

Couples counseling takes time and energy. Plan to spend quality time working on the relationship at home as well as in a therapy session.

4. Be Openminded

Our assumptions about the motives of our partner may not be true. Ask. Be open to changing your mind and avoid jumping to conclusions.

5. Learn Independence

Relationships can fill some of our needs but not all. Even the best marriage has moments when we feel worried, lonely, or anxious. No partner can be there for you every moment. Learn to become a complete person with activities outside the relationship.

6. Set Divorce Aside For Now

​Success requires hope. Focusing on divorce is like staring into the abyss, not a cheerful prospect. Take divorce off the table and work on the relationship. Visualize the positive goals and work toward them. Work on your marriage now. Invest the best part of yourself, your time, honest feelings, and energy for the best couples therapy outcome. Make a brighter future.

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    Author

    Scott F. Olds, Psychotherapist
    I provide counseling for trauma, anxiety, and PTSD using EMDR. I particularly enjoy working with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs). I work with individuals and couples.

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I offer sessions in the office, in an open space (weather permitting), by phone, and by video sessions for your safety and convenience. Take a deep breath and give me a call at (303) 817-8369 or email me at [email protected].

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​Crisis Information: If you are in crisis, call Colorado Crisis and Support at 844-493-8255 or the national Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 for 24/7 for help in an emergency. These lifelines provide free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention, and crisis resources for you or your loved ones.​
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​Scott F. Olds, Psychotherapist
(303) 817-8369
​[email protected]
10960 W. 65th Way
Arvada, Colorado 80004
My office is in Arvada, Colorado.
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  • Counseling
    • EMDR For Trauma
    • Highly Sensitive Person Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Grief Counseling
    • Counseling for Chronic Illness
  • Bio
    • Privacy Policy
    • Medical Disclaimer
  • Contact
  • The Hope Blog