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The Hope Blog

The Relationship Between Sensitivity and Boundary Issues

9/22/2023

 
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The Relationship Between Sensitivity and Boundary Issues
Sensitive people are often more attuned to the emotions of others and their surroundings. This can be a gift, but it can also make it difficult to set and maintain healthy boundaries.
Here are some of the reasons why sensitive people may struggle with boundaries:
  • They may feel guilty or selfish for setting boundaries. Sensitive people often have a strong sense of empathy and compassion. They may worry that setting boundaries will hurt other people's feelings or lead to conflict.
  • They may have trouble identifying their own needs. Sensitive people may be so focused on the needs of others that they neglect their own. This can make it difficult to know when they need to set boundaries.
  • They may have difficulty communicating their needs. Sensitive people may be afraid of being rejected or criticized, so they may avoid communicating their needs directly. This can lead to resentment and frustration on their part.
  • They may have a history of boundary violations. If a sensitive person has experienced boundary violations in the past, they may be more likely to have difficulty setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in the present.

Here are some of the ways that boundary issues can manifest in sensitive people:
  • They may overextend themselves. Sensitive people may agree to do things that they don't have the time or energy for, simply because they don't want to let others down.
  • They may have difficulty saying no. Sensitive people may find it difficult to say no to others, even when they don't want to do something. This can lead to them feeling overwhelmed and resentful.
  • They may be easily manipulated. Sensitive people may be more susceptible to manipulation, especially if they are afraid of hurting other people's feelings.
  • They may have difficulty trusting others. If a sensitive person has been betrayed or hurt in the past, they may have difficulty trusting others to respect their boundaries.

If you are a sensitive person and you struggle with boundaries, there are a few things you can do to improve the situation:
  • Learn to identify your needs. It's important to be aware of your own needs and to be able to communicate them to others.
  • Practice setting boundaries. Start by setting small boundaries, such as saying no to social engagements that you don't want to attend. As you get more comfortable, you can start to set bigger boundaries.
  • Be assertive. It's important to be able to communicate your needs and boundaries assertively. This means being clear and direct, but also being respectful of others.
  • Seek professional help. If you are struggling to set and maintain healthy boundaries on your own, consider seeking professional help from a therapist.

It's important to remember that you have the right to set boundaries. You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you need to set a boundary. And you don't have to apologize for setting a boundary. Setting boundaries is a way of taking care of yourself and protecting your well-being.

Here are some additional tips for sensitive people who struggle with boundaries:
  • Listen to your intuition. Your intuition is your inner voice that tells you what's right for you. If you have a bad feeling about something, trust your gut.
  • Take time for yourself. It's important to have time to recharge and de-stress. Make sure to schedule time for yourself each week, and do things that you enjoy.
  • Surround yourself with supportive people. Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries and who make you feel good about yourself.
  • Don't be afraid to say no. It's okay to say no to requests, even if they come from people you care about. Remember, you have the right to choose how you spend your time and energy.

Setting boundaries can be difficult for anyone, but it's especially challenging for sensitive people. However, it's important to remember that you have the right to set boundaries, and that doing so is essential for your well-being.

Remember, seeking help is a courageous step towards a more balanced and fulfilling life. You don't have to face these challenges alone.
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If you're ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery, growth, and healthier relationships, I invite you to schedule a confidential consultation with me. Together, we can work towards a happier, more harmonious life.

Take the first step towards healing today.

Contact Scott Olds at (303) 817-8369 or email at [email protected] for a free and confidential evaluation by phone or video.

Trauma, Emotional Intelligence, and Learned Patterns

9/15/2023

 
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Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that can have a lasting impact on a person's life. It can affect a person's physical and mental health, their relationships, and their ability to cope with stress.

One of the ways that trauma can impact a person is by affecting their emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage one's own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. When a person experiences trauma, they may develop unhealthy coping mechanisms that can damage their emotional intelligence.

For example, a person who has experienced abuse may learn to suppress their emotions in order to cope with the pain. This can lead to difficulty identifying and expressing emotions, which can make it difficult to build healthy relationships and manage stress.

Another way that trauma can impact emotional intelligence is by creating learned patterns of behavior. These patterns are often developed in childhood as a way to cope with the trauma. For example, a child who is neglected may learn to become self-reliant and independent. This pattern of behavior can be helpful in some situations, but it can also make it difficult to form close relationships as an adult.

A psychotherapist can help a person who has experienced trauma to improve their emotional intelligence and break free from learned patterns of behavior. This can be done through a variety of techniques, such as:
  • Emotional awareness: Helping the person to identify and understand their emotions.
  • Emotional regulation: Teaching the person how to manage their emotions in a healthy way.
  • Interpersonal skills: Helping the person to develop healthy relationships.
  • Cognitive restructuring: Helping the person to challenge negative thoughts and beliefs that are associated with the trauma.

By working with a psychotherapist, a person who has experienced trauma can learn to heal and rebuild their emotional intelligence. This can lead to a better understanding of themselves and their emotions, as well as the ability to build healthy and fulfilling relationships.

In addition to the techniques mentioned above, a psychotherapist may also use other approaches, such as:
  • Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): This therapy helps to reduce the emotional and physical symptoms of trauma by stimulating the brain's natural healing process.
  • Somatic Therapy: This therapy helps people to release the physical and emotional tension that is associated with trauma.

The best approach for a particular individual will depend on the nature of their trauma and their individual needs. A psychotherapist can help to assess the best approach and provide the support and guidance that the person needs to heal.

If you or someone you know has experienced trauma, it is important to seek professional help. A psychotherapist can help you to understand and heal from the trauma, and to improve your emotional intelligence and break free from learned patterns of behavior.

For help overcoming trauma, contact Scott Olds at (303) 817-8369 or email at [email protected] for a free phone or video evaluation.

Guilt and Grief: How to Overcome Them

9/8/2023

 
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Guilt and grief are two of the most common emotions that people experience after a loss. Guilt can be caused by a variety of factors, such as feeling responsible for the loss, wishing that you had done something differently, or feeling like you didn't love the person enough. Grief is the natural emotional response to loss, and it can manifest itself in a variety of ways, such as sadness, anger, anxiety, and loneliness.

While guilt and grief are normal emotions, they can be difficult to cope with. If you are struggling to overcome guilt and grief, there are a few things that you can do:
  1. Acknowledge your feelings. The first step to overcoming guilt and grief is to acknowledge your feelings. It is important to allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling, without judgment.
  2. Talk about your feelings. Talking about your feelings can be helpful in processing them and moving on. Talk to a therapist, a friend, or a family member about what you are going through.
  3. Challenge your negative thoughts. Guilt often stems from negative thoughts about yourself, such as "I should have done more" or "I'm a bad person." Challenge these thoughts by asking yourself if they are realistic and helpful.
  4. Forgive yourself. If you are feeling guilty, it is important to forgive yourself. This does not mean that you have to forget what happened, but it does mean that you need to let go of the guilt, process the unhelpful emotions, and heal.
  5. Take care of yourself. When you are grieving, it is important to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly. You may also want to consider joining a support group or talking to a therapist.
Overcoming guilt and grief takes time and effort, but it is possible. By following these tips, you can start to heal and move on with your life.
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Here are some additional tips that a psychotherapist might use to help a client overcome guilt and grief:
  • Grief counseling can help clients to understand the grieving process and to develop healthy coping mechanisms.
  • Support groups can provide a safe space for clients to share their experiences with others who are going through the same thing.
If you are struggling to overcome guilt and grief, it is important to seek professional help. A therapist can provide you with the support and guidance that you need to heal.

Call Scott at (303) 817-8369 or email at [email protected] to see if grief counseling is right for you.


How the Relationship Style We Learned from Our Parents Influences Us as Adults in a Relationship

9/3/2023

 
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As children, we learn about relationships by watching our parents interact with each other. We see how they communicate, how they resolve conflict, and how they show love and affection. These observations become our template for how we expect relationships to work.

If our parents had a healthy, loving relationship, we are more likely to have secure attachment styles as adults. This means that we feel confident in our ability to form close relationships and that we expect to be loved and supported by our partners.

However, if our parents had an unhealthy or conflictual relationship, we are more likely to have insecure attachment styles. This means that we may have difficulty trusting others, may be afraid of abandonment, or may have a hard time expressing our emotions in relationships.

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Of course, our relationship style is not determined solely by our parents. Our own experiences and personality also play a role. However, our parents' relationship style can have a significant impact on how we approach our own relationships as adults.

Generational Influence
The generational influence on relationship styles is a complex topic. There are many factors that can contribute to how we learn about relationships from our parents, including their own attachment styles, their cultural background, and the historical context in which they grew up.

For example, people who grew up in families where there was a lot of conflict may be more likely to have insecure attachment styles. This is because they may have learned that relationships are inherently unstable and that conflict is inevitable.

On the other hand, people who grew up in families where there was a lot of love and support may be more likely to have secure attachment styles. This is because they may have learned that relationships are a source of comfort and security.

It is also important to note that the generational influence on relationship styles can be passed down from generation to generation. This is because children learn about relationships from their parents, who learned about relationships from their parents, and so on.

As a result, it is not uncommon for people to find themselves repeating the same relationship patterns that their parents did. This can be a challenge to break, but it is possible with awareness and effort.
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Here are some specific ways that the relationship style we learned from our parents can influence us in our adult relationships:
  • How we communicate. If our parents communicated in a healthy way, we are more likely to be able to communicate effectively in our own relationships. We will be able to express our needs and feelings in a clear and direct way, and we will be able to listen to our partners' needs and feelings with empathy.
  • How we resolve conflict. If our parents were able to resolve conflict in a healthy way, we are more likely to be able to do the same in our own relationships. We will be able to see conflict as an opportunity to grow and learn, and we will be able to communicate our needs and feelings in a way that is respectful and constructive.
  • How we show love and affection. If our parents showed love and affection in a healthy way, we are more likely to be able to do the same in our own relationships. We will be able to express our love and appreciation for our partners in a way that is both genuine and comfortable.
If you are concerned that the relationship style you learned from your parents is negatively impacting your own relationships, there are things you can do to change. You can talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you to understand your attachment style and develop healthier relationship patterns. You can also learn about healthy communication and conflict resolution skills.

Remember, you are not doomed to repeat the relationship patterns you learned from your parents. With awareness and effort, you can create healthy, fulfilling relationships in your own life.

Here are some additional tips for breaking the cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns:
  • Become aware of your triggers. What are the things that tend to make you feel insecure or anxious in relationships? Once you know your triggers, you can start to develop strategies for coping with them in a healthy way.
  • Challenge your negative beliefs about relationships. If you have negative beliefs about relationships, such as "I'm not good enough" or "I'm always going to be hurt," challenge these beliefs with evidence to the contrary.
  • Practice healthy communication and conflict resolution skills. There are many resources available to help you learn these skills. Talk to a therapist, counselor, or read books or articles on the topic.
  • Be patient with yourself. It takes time and effort to change old patterns. Don't get discouraged if you don't see results immediately. Just keep practicing and you will eventually break the cycle.

If you need help with your relationship, contact Scott Olds at (303) 817-8369 or [email protected].
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    Author

    Scott F. Olds, Psychotherapist
    I provide counseling for trauma, anxiety, and PTSD using EMDR. I particularly enjoy working with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs). I work with individuals and couples.

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I offer sessions in the office, in an open space (weather permitting), by phone, and by video sessions for your safety and convenience. Take a deep breath and give me a call at (303) 817-8369 or email me at [email protected].

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​Crisis Information: If you are in crisis, call Colorado Crisis and Support at 844-493-8255 or the national Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 for 24/7 for help in an emergency. These lifelines provide free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention, and crisis resources for you or your loved ones.​
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​Scott F. Olds, Psychotherapist
(303) 817-8369
​[email protected]
10960 W. 65th Way
Arvada, Colorado 80004
My office is in Arvada, Colorado.
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  • Counseling
    • EMDR For Trauma
    • Highly Sensitive Person Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Grief Counseling
    • Counseling for Chronic Illness
  • Bio
    • Privacy Policy
    • Medical Disclaimer
  • Contact
  • The Hope Blog