Category: Boundaries

Gaslighting in Relationships

10/13/2023

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which one person makes another person doubt their perceptions, experiences, memories, or understanding of events that happened. It is a subtle and insidious form of abuse that can have a devastating impact on the victim's mental and emotional health.

Gaslighting can occur in any type of relationship, but it is particularly common in romantic relationships. This is because romantic partners often have a high level of trust and intimacy, which makes them more vulnerable to manipulation.

Gaslighters typically use a variety of tactics to achieve their goals, including:

Denying or minimizing events: A gaslighter might deny that something ever happened, even if the victim has clear evidence that it did. They might also minimize the significance of the event, or try to convince the victim that they are overreacting.
Shifting the blame: Gaslighters often turn the tables on their victims, making them feel responsible for the gaslighter's own bad behavior. They might also blame the victim for being too sensitive or for misinterpreting their intentions.
Isolating the victim: Gaslighters may try to isolate their victims from friends and family, making it more difficult for them to get support and validation. They might also discourage the victim from talking to others about what is happening in the relationship.
Making the victim feel crazy: Gaslighters may try to convince their victims that they are losing their mind, or that they are simply too emotional or unstable to understand reality. They might also make the victim feel like they are the ones who are causing the problems in the relationship.

Over time, gaslighting can have a devastating impact on the victim's self-esteem, confidence, and trust in others. They may start to doubt their own sanity and reality, and they may become withdrawn and isolated. Gaslighting can also lead to depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems.

If you are in a relationship with someone who is gaslighting you, it is important to seek help from a qualified psychotherapist. A therapist can help you to understand what is happening to you, and they can provide you with support and guidance as you work to recover from the effects of gaslighting.

Here are some tips for coping with gaslighting in a relationship:

Trust your instincts: If you have a gut feeling that something is wrong, it probably is. Don't let your partner convince you otherwise.
Talk to someone you trust: It is important to have someone you can talk to about what is happening in your relationship. This could be a friend, family member, therapist, or support group.
Keep a record of events: If your partner is gaslighting you, it can be helpful to keep a record of what is happening. This could include writing down dates, times, and details of specific events.
Set boundaries: It is important to set boundaries with your partner, and to stick to them. For example, you might decide that you are no longer willing to engage in conversations about certain topics.
Consider leaving the relationship: If your partner is gaslighting you, it is important to consider leaving the relationship. Gaslighting is a form of abuse, and it is not likely to change unless your partner is willing to seek professional help.

If you are thinking about leaving a gaslighting relationship, it is important to have a safety plan in place. This should include having a place to go where you will be safe, and having a way to contact people who can support you.

It is also important to remember that you are not alone. If gaslighting is a problem in your relationship, therapy can help. Contact Scott at (303) 817-8369 or email at [email protected] for a free phone or video evaluation.

Setting Boundaries with a Narcissist

10/6/2023

I often work with clients who are struggling to set boundaries with a narcissist. Narcissists are people with a personality disorder that is characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.

Narcissists can be very difficult to deal with, as they often try to control and manipulate the people around them. They may also be very critical and demanding. It is important to remember that you cannot change a narcissist's behavior. However, you can set boundaries to protect yourself from their abuse.

Here are some tips for setting boundaries with a narcissist:

Identify your boundaries. What are the things that you are willing and unwilling to do? What are the things that you will and will not tolerate? Once you know what your boundaries are, it will be easier to communicate them to the narcissist.
Be clear and direct. When communicating your boundaries, be clear and direct. Avoid using vague or ambiguous language. For example, instead of saying "I don't like it when you criticize me," say "I need you to stop criticizing me. It makes me feel bad about myself."
Be firm. It is important to be firm when setting boundaries with a narcissist. This means not giving in to their demands or manipulation. It is also important to be consistent with your boundaries. If you give in one time, the narcissist will be more likely to try to control you in the future.
Be prepared for consequences. It is important to be prepared for the possibility that the narcissist will not respect your boundaries. If this happens, you may need to enforce your boundaries by withdrawing from the relationship or by taking other steps to protect yourself.

Here are some additional tips for setting boundaries with a narcissist:

Don't try to explain your boundaries. Narcissists are not interested in understanding your perspective. They only care about what they want. Trying to explain your boundaries to a narcissist is only going to frustrate you.
Don't engage in arguments or power struggles. Narcissists love to argue and fight. If you get into an argument with a narcissist, they are going to try to win at all costs. This means that they will say and do anything to hurt you and make you feel bad. If you find yourself arguing with a narcissist, simply disengage and walk away.
Seek support from others. Narcissists try to isolate you from others. It can be very helpful to talk to a friend, family member, or therapist about what you are going through. They can offer support and guidance as you work to set boundaries with the narcissist in your life.

It is important to remember that you cannot change a narcissist. However, you can set boundaries to protect yourself from their abuse. By setting and enforcing boundaries, you are taking steps to protect your well-being.

If you are struggling to set boundaries with a narcissist, please know that you are not alone. There are people who care about you and want to help. Please reach out to a friend, family member, therapist, or other support person for help.

I can help. Call Scott at (303) 817) 8369 or email at [email protected] for a free phone or video evaluation.

The Relationship Between Sensitivity and Boundary Issues

9/22/2023

The Relationship Between Sensitivity and Boundary Issues
Sensitive people are often more attuned to the emotions of others and their surroundings. This can be a gift, but it can also make it difficult to set and maintain healthy boundaries.
Here are some of the reasons why sensitive people may struggle with boundaries:

They may feel guilty or selfish for setting boundaries. Sensitive people often have a strong sense of empathy and compassion. They may worry that setting boundaries will hurt other people's feelings or lead to conflict.
They may have trouble identifying their own needs. Sensitive people may be so focused on the needs of others that they neglect their own. This can make it difficult to know when they need to set boundaries.
They may have difficulty communicating their needs. Sensitive people may be afraid of being rejected or criticized, so they may avoid communicating their needs directly. This can lead to resentment and frustration on their part.
They may have a history of boundary violations. If a sensitive person has experienced boundary violations in the past, they may be more likely to have difficulty setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in the present.

Here are some of the ways that boundary issues can manifest in sensitive people:

They may overextend themselves. Sensitive people may agree to do things that they don't have the time or energy for, simply because they don't want to let others down.
They may have difficulty saying no. Sensitive people may find it difficult to say no to others, even when they don't want to do something. This can lead to them feeling overwhelmed and resentful.
They may be easily manipulated. Sensitive people may be more susceptible to manipulation, especially if they are afraid of hurting other people's feelings.
They may have difficulty trusting others. If a sensitive person has been betrayed or hurt in the past, they may have difficulty trusting others to respect their boundaries.

If you are a sensitive person and you struggle with boundaries, there are a few things you can do to improve the situation:

Learn to identify your needs. It's important to be aware of your own needs and to be able to communicate them to others.
Practice setting boundaries. Start by setting small boundaries, such as saying no to social engagements that you don't want to attend. As you get more comfortable, you can start to set bigger boundaries.
Be assertive. It's important to be able to communicate your needs and boundaries assertively. This means being clear and direct, but also being respectful of others.
Seek professional help. If you are struggling to set and maintain healthy boundaries on your own, consider seeking professional help from a therapist.

It's important to remember that you have the right to set boundaries. You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you need to set a boundary. And you don't have to apologize for setting a boundary. Setting boundaries is a way of taking care of yourself and protecting your well-being.

Here are some additional tips for sensitive people who struggle with boundaries:

Listen to your intuition. Your intuition is your inner voice that tells you what's right for you. If you have a bad feeling about something, trust your gut.
Take time for yourself. It's important to have time to recharge and de-stress. Make sure to schedule time for yourself each week, and do things that you enjoy.
Surround yourself with supportive people. Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries and who make you feel good about yourself.
Don't be afraid to say no. It's okay to say no to requests, even if they come from people you care about. Remember, you have the right to choose how you spend your time and energy.

Setting boundaries can be difficult for anyone, but it's especially challenging for sensitive people. However, it's important to remember that you have the right to set boundaries, and that doing so is essential for your well-being.

Remember, seeking help is a courageous step towards a more balanced and fulfilling life. You don't have to face these challenges alone.

If you're ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery, growth, and healthier relationships, I invite you to schedule a confidential consultation with me. Together, we can work towards a happier, more harmonious life.

Take the first step towards healing today.

Contact Scott Olds at (303) 817-8369 or email at [email protected] for a free and confidential evaluation by phone or video.

Being a Highly Sensitive Person in an Abusive Relationship

7/14/2023

If you are a highly sensitive person (HSP) in an abusive relationship, you may feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and even hopeless. You may be wondering if you are crazy or if you are just too sensitive.
The truth is, you are not crazy. You are simply a highly sensitive person who has gotten into a relationship with an abuser. Abuse can take many forms, including physical, emotional, verbal, and financial abuse.
As an HSP, you are naturally empathic and caring. You are drawn to people who are in need, and you want to help them. This makes you a prime target for an abuser. Abusers are often very good at manipulating and controlling others, and they can easily take advantage of your sensitivity.
If you are in an abusive relationship, you may be experiencing some of the following:

You feel like you are walking on eggshells. You never know what will set off the abuser, and you are constantly afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing.
You feel like you are never good enough. The abuser is constantly criticizing you, and they make you feel like you are never measuring up.
You feel isolated and alone. The abuser may isolate you from your friends and family, and they may make you feel like you are the only person who understands them.
You feel exhausted and drained. Dealing with an abuser is emotionally and mentally exhausting. You may feel like you are constantly giving and giving, and you never get anything in return.

If you are experiencing any of these things, it is important to know that you are not alone. There are many other HSPs who have been in similar situations. You are not crazy, and you are not to blame.
If you are ready to get out of your abusive relationship, there are a few things you can do:

Seek professional help. A therapist can help you understand your relationship with the abuser, and they can teach you how to set boundaries and protect yourself.
Build a support network. Talk to your friends and family about what you are going through. They can offer you support and encouragement.
Take care of yourself. Make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, and exercising regularly. Taking care of yourself will help you to cope with the stress of the situation.

Breaking up with an abuser is not easy, but it is possible. With the right support, you can heal from the relationship and move on with your life.
If you are a highly sensitive person in an abusive relationship, please know that you are not alone. There is help available. Please reach out to Scott Olds, Psychotherapist, for support.
Here are some additional resources that you may find helpful:

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
The National Center for Victims of Crime: 1-800-FYI-CALL
The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE

To find out more, schedule an appointment with Scott Olds at (303) 817-8369 or email me at [email protected].

Codependency and Couples Counseling: Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns

6/16/2023

Introduction

Codependency is a complex issue that can severely impact the dynamics of a romantic relationship. It is characterized by an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, often leading to an unhealthy and unbalanced relationship dynamic. Recognizing the signs of codependency and seeking couples counseling can be instrumental in breaking free from these patterns and fostering healthier, more fulfilling partnerships. In this article, we will explore codependency, its effects on relationships, and how couples counseling can help couples navigate these challenges.

Understanding Codependency

Codependency is a behavioral and emotional condition that commonly arises from dysfunctional family dynamics, childhood trauma, or unhealthy attachment styles. Individuals who are codependent often have an intense fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, and a strong desire for external validation. This can manifest in several ways, such as excessively focusing on the needs of others, neglecting personal boundaries, and having difficulty expressing one's own needs and desires.

Effects of Codependency on Relationships

Codependency can have a detrimental impact on the health and happiness of a relationship. Some common effects include:

Imbalanced power dynamics: Codependent individuals often prioritize their partner's needs above their own, leading to an unequal distribution of power within the relationship. This can result in one partner feeling overwhelmed and the other feeling overwhelmed with responsibility.
Lack of personal growth: When one partner relies heavily on the other for validation and self-worth, it can hinder personal growth and development. The codependent individual may become enmeshed in their partner's life, losing touch with their own interests and aspirations.
Emotional exhaustion: Codependent relationships can be emotionally draining for both partners. The codependent individual may constantly seek validation and reassurance, while their partner may feel suffocated by the excessive demands for attention and support.
Unhealthy coping mechanisms: Codependency often leads to the development of unhealthy coping mechanisms such as people-pleasing, enabling destructive behaviors, or self-sacrifice. These patterns can perpetuate a cycle of dysfunction within the relationship.

Couples Counseling as a Solution

Couples counseling provides a safe and supportive environment for couples to address the underlying issues contributing to codependency and work towards healthier relationship patterns. Here's how couples counseling can be beneficial:

Identifying codependent patterns: A skilled couples therapist can help couples identify and understand the codependent behaviors and dynamics at play within the relationship. Recognizing these patterns is the first step towards positive change.
Building self-awareness: Couples counseling encourages individuals to explore their own emotional needs, boundaries, and insecurities. Developing self-awareness allows partners to take responsibility for their own well-being and establish healthier relationship dynamics.
Enhancing communication skills: Effective communication is crucial in any relationship. Couples counseling provides a platform to improve communication skills, allowing partners to express their needs, concerns, and desires in a clear and assertive manner.
Setting boundaries: Codependent relationships often lack clear boundaries. Couples counseling helps partners establish and enforce healthy boundaries, fostering a sense of individuality and self-respect within the relationship.
Developing self-esteem: Couples counseling focuses on nurturing self-esteem and self-worth for both partners. By addressing underlying issues contributing to codependency, couples can build a stronger foundation of self-confidence and personal fulfillment.
Learning healthy interdependence: Couples counseling promotes the concept of interdependence, where partners support each other's growth and well-being while maintaining their own autonomy. It emphasizes the importance of a balanced and mutually beneficial relationship.

Conclusion

Codependency can be a challenging issue to overcome, but couples counseling offers a pathway to healing and growth. By addressing the underlying causes and learning healthier relationship patterns, couples can break free from the grip of codependency and cultivate a stronger, more fulfilling partnership. Seeking professional help is a courageous step towards building a healthier future together. Remember, change is possible, and with the right support, couples can break free from codependency and create a relationship built on trust, respect, and mutual growth.

Counseling Services In Arvada, CO
The Hope Blog

Gaslighting in Relationships

Setting Boundaries with a Narcissist

The Relationship Between Sensitivity and Boundary Issues

Being a Highly Sensitive Person in an Abusive Relationship

Codependency and Couples Counseling: Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns

Introduction

Understanding Codependency

Effects of Codependency on Relationships

Couples Counseling as a Solution

Conclusion

Author

Categories

Archives

Call Scott at
(303) 817-8369 or email at [email protected] for a free phone or video evaluation.

Convenient online scheduling, 24 x 7.

Counseling Services In Arvada, CO​The Hope Blog

Gaslighting in Relationships

Setting Boundaries with a Narcissist

The Relationship Between Sensitivity and Boundary Issues

Being a Highly Sensitive Person in an Abusive Relationship

Codependency and Couples Counseling: Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns

Introduction

Understanding Codependency

​Effects of Codependency on Relationships

Couples Counseling as a Solution

​Conclusion

Author

Categories

Archives

​Call Scott at​(303) 817-8369 or email at [email protected] ​for a free phone or video evaluation.​Convenient online scheduling, 24 x 7.

Counseling Services In Arvada, CO
The Hope Blog

Effects of Codependency on Relationships

Conclusion

Call Scott at
(303) 817-8369 or email at [email protected] for a free phone or video evaluation.

Convenient online scheduling, 24 x 7.