I often work with clients who are struggling to set boundaries with a narcissist. Narcissists are people with a personality disorder that is characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.

Narcissists can be very difficult to deal with, as they often try to control and manipulate the people around them. They may also be very critical and demanding. It is important to remember that you cannot change a narcissist's behavior. However, you can set boundaries to protect yourself from their abuse.

Here are some tips for setting boundaries with a narcissist:

• Identify your boundaries. What are the things that you are willing and unwilling to do? What are the things that you will and will not tolerate? Once you know what your boundaries are, it will be easier to communicate them to the narcissist.
• Be clear and direct. When communicating your boundaries, be clear and direct. Avoid using vague or ambiguous language. For example, instead of saying "I don't like it when you criticize me," say "I need you to stop criticizing me. It makes me feel bad about myself."
• Be firm. It is important to be firm when setting boundaries with a narcissist. This means not giving in to their demands or manipulation. It is also important to be consistent with your boundaries. If you give in one time, the narcissist will be more likely to try to control you in the future.
• Be prepared for consequences. It is important to be prepared for the possibility that the narcissist will not respect your boundaries. If this happens, you may need to enforce your boundaries by withdrawing from the relationship or by taking other steps to protect yourself.

Here are some additional tips for setting boundaries with a narcissist:

• Don't try to explain your boundaries. Narcissists are not interested in understanding your perspective. They only care about what they want. Trying to explain your boundaries to a narcissist is only going to frustrate you.
• Don't engage in arguments or power struggles. Narcissists love to argue and fight. If you get into an argument with a narcissist, they are going to try to win at all costs. This means that they will say and do anything to hurt you and make you feel bad. If you find yourself arguing with a narcissist, simply disengage and walk away.
• Seek support from others. Narcissists try to isolate you from others. It can be very helpful to talk to a friend, family member, or therapist about what you are going through. They can offer support and guidance as you work to set boundaries with the narcissist in your life.

It is important to remember that you cannot change a narcissist. However, you can set boundaries to protect yourself from their abuse. By setting and enforcing boundaries, you are taking steps to protect your well-being.
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If you are struggling to set boundaries with a narcissist, please know that you are not alone. There are people who care about you and want to help. Please reach out to a friend, family member, therapist, or other support person for help.

I can help. Call Scott at (303) 817) 8369 or email at [email protected] for a free phone or video evaluation.

Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that can have a lasting impact on a person's life. It can affect a person's physical and mental health, their relationships, and their ability to cope with stress.

One of the ways that trauma can impact a person is by affecting their emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage one's own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. When a person experiences trauma, they may develop unhealthy coping mechanisms that can damage their emotional intelligence.

For example, a person who has experienced abuse may learn to suppress their emotions in order to cope with the pain. This can lead to difficulty identifying and expressing emotions, which can make it difficult to build healthy relationships and manage stress.

Another way that trauma can impact emotional intelligence is by creating learned patterns of behavior. These patterns are often developed in childhood as a way to cope with the trauma. For example, a child who is neglected may learn to become self-reliant and independent. This pattern of behavior can be helpful in some situations, but it can also make it difficult to form close relationships as an adult.

A psychotherapist can help a person who has experienced trauma to improve their emotional intelligence and break free from learned patterns of behavior. This can be done through a variety of techniques, such as:

• Emotional awareness: Helping the person to identify and understand their emotions.
• Emotional regulation: Teaching the person how to manage their emotions in a healthy way.
• Interpersonal skills: Helping the person to develop healthy relationships.
• Cognitive restructuring: Helping the person to challenge negative thoughts and beliefs that are associated with the trauma.

By working with a psychotherapist, a person who has experienced trauma can learn to heal and rebuild their emotional intelligence. This can lead to a better understanding of themselves and their emotions, as well as the ability to build healthy and fulfilling relationships.

In addition to the techniques mentioned above, a psychotherapist may also use other approaches, such as:

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): This therapy helps to reduce the emotional and physical symptoms of trauma by stimulating the brain's natural healing process.
• Somatic Therapy: This therapy helps people to release the physical and emotional tension that is associated with trauma.

The best approach for a particular individual will depend on the nature of their trauma and their individual needs. A psychotherapist can help to assess the best approach and provide the support and guidance that the person needs to heal.

If you or someone you know has experienced trauma, it is important to seek professional help. A psychotherapist can help you to understand and heal from the trauma, and to improve your emotional intelligence and break free from learned patterns of behavior.

For help overcoming trauma, contact Scott Olds at (303) 817-8369 or email at [email protected] for a free phone or video evaluation.

As children, we learn about relationships by watching our parents interact with each other. We see how they communicate, how they resolve conflict, and how they show love and affection. These observations become our template for how we expect relationships to work.

If our parents had a healthy, loving relationship, we are more likely to have secure attachment styles as adults. This means that we feel confident in our ability to form close relationships and that we expect to be loved and supported by our partners.

However, if our parents had an unhealthy or conflictual relationship, we are more likely to have insecure attachment styles. This means that we may have difficulty trusting others, may be afraid of abandonment, or may have a hard time expressing our emotions in relationships.

​Of course, our relationship style is not determined solely by our parents. Our own experiences and personality also play a role. However, our parents' relationship style can have a significant impact on how we approach our own relationships as adults.

Generational Influence
The generational influence on relationship styles is a complex topic. There are many factors that can contribute to how we learn about relationships from our parents, including their own attachment styles, their cultural background, and the historical context in which they grew up.

For example, people who grew up in families where there was a lot of conflict may be more likely to have insecure attachment styles. This is because they may have learned that relationships are inherently unstable and that conflict is inevitable.

On the other hand, people who grew up in families where there was a lot of love and support may be more likely to have secure attachment styles. This is because they may have learned that relationships are a source of comfort and security.

It is also important to note that the generational influence on relationship styles can be passed down from generation to generation. This is because children learn about relationships from their parents, who learned about relationships from their parents, and so on.

As a result, it is not uncommon for people to find themselves repeating the same relationship patterns that their parents did. This can be a challenge to break, but it is possible with awareness and effort.
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Here are some specific ways that the relationship style we learned from our parents can influence us in our adult relationships:

• How we communicate. If our parents communicated in a healthy way, we are more likely to be able to communicate effectively in our own relationships. We will be able to express our needs and feelings in a clear and direct way, and we will be able to listen to our partners' needs and feelings with empathy.
• How we resolve conflict. If our parents were able to resolve conflict in a healthy way, we are more likely to be able to do the same in our own relationships. We will be able to see conflict as an opportunity to grow and learn, and we will be able to communicate our needs and feelings in a way that is respectful and constructive.
• How we show love and affection. If our parents showed love and affection in a healthy way, we are more likely to be able to do the same in our own relationships. We will be able to express our love and appreciation for our partners in a way that is both genuine and comfortable.

If you are concerned that the relationship style you learned from your parents is negatively impacting your own relationships, there are things you can do to change. You can talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you to understand your attachment style and develop healthier relationship patterns. You can also learn about healthy communication and conflict resolution skills.

Remember, you are not doomed to repeat the relationship patterns you learned from your parents. With awareness and effort, you can create healthy, fulfilling relationships in your own life.

Here are some additional tips for breaking the cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns:

• Become aware of your triggers. What are the things that tend to make you feel insecure or anxious in relationships? Once you know your triggers, you can start to develop strategies for coping with them in a healthy way.
• Challenge your negative beliefs about relationships. If you have negative beliefs about relationships, such as "I'm not good enough" or "I'm always going to be hurt," challenge these beliefs with evidence to the contrary.
• Practice healthy communication and conflict resolution skills. There are many resources available to help you learn these skills. Talk to a therapist, counselor, or read books or articles on the topic.
• Be patient with yourself. It takes time and effort to change old patterns. Don't get discouraged if you don't see results immediately. Just keep practicing and you will eventually break the cycle.
  
  

If you need help with your relationship, contact Scott Olds at (303) 817-8369 or [email protected].

In today's fast-paced world, where hookup culture often takes center stage, transitioning from casual encounters to meaningful, lasting relationships can feel like a daunting task. The journey might require a shift in mindset, a reevaluation of priorities, and a willingness to explore emotional depths. If you're seeking guidance on how to make this transition, you're not alone. Many individuals are seeking more meaningful connections, and with the right approach, you can find the fulfilling relationship you desire. Here's a guide to help you navigate this transition:

1. Self-Reflection and Clarity: Before embarking on the journey to a meaningful relationship, take time to reflect on what you truly want. What are your values, goals, and aspirations? What qualities do you seek in a partner? By gaining clarity about your own desires, you can better recognize a compatible partner when you encounter one.
2. Open Communication: In hookup culture, communication often revolves around the logistics of the encounter. Transitioning to a meaningful relationship requires a shift toward open and honest conversations about emotions, expectations, and long-term goals. Practice expressing your feelings and actively listening to your partner. Effective communication is the foundation of any successful relationship.
3. Slow and Steady: Meaningful relationships are built over time. Instead of rushing into physical intimacy, focus on building emotional intimacy first. Spend quality time together engaging in activities that allow you to connect on a deeper level. This gradual approach helps establish a strong emotional bond.
4. Shared Activities and Interests: Explore activities you both enjoy. Shared hobbies and interests can bring you closer and create opportunities for meaningful interactions. Whether it's hiking, cooking, art, or music, engaging in activities together fosters a sense of togetherness and shared experiences.
5. Vulnerability and Authenticity: To transition from hookup culture to a meaningful relationship, it's crucial to be vulnerable and authentic. Share your thoughts, fears, and vulnerabilities with your partner. This openness encourages reciprocity and helps establish trust.
6. Mindfulness and Presence: In a fast-paced world, practicing mindfulness can enhance your ability to connect deeply with your partner. Put away distractions and be present in the moment. Listen actively, observe body language, and appreciate the nuances of your interactions.
7. Mutual Respect: Respect is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Transitioning to a meaningful connection involves treating your partner with kindness, consideration, and empathy. Recognize and appreciate their individuality.
8. Emotional Intelligence: Understanding your own emotions and being attuned to your partner's feelings is a hallmark of a meaningful relationship. Emotional intelligence allows you to navigate challenges and conflicts with empathy and understanding.
9. Addressing Fear of Commitment: Transitioning from hookup culture may bring up a fear of commitment. It's essential to address these fears and explore their origins. A qualified psychotherapist can assist in unpacking these emotions and providing strategies to overcome them.
10. Seeking Professional Guidance: Transitioning from hookup culture to a meaningful relationship is a journey that can benefit from professional guidance. A psychotherapist can provide insights, tools, and strategies to navigate this transition, offering a safe space to explore your emotions and thought patterns.

In conclusion, transitioning from hookup culture to a meaningful relationship requires a deliberate and mindful approach. It's about moving beyond surface-level connections and embracing vulnerability, emotional intimacy, and open communication. Remember that this journey is unique to you, and there's no fixed timeline. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you both navigate this transformation. With the right mindset, effort, and support, you can create a meaningful and fulfilling relationship that goes beyond the confines of hookup culture.

For help transitioning from hookup culture to a meaningful relationship, contact Scott Olds at (303) 817-8369 or email at [email protected]

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with many couples over the years, and I have seen firsthand what makes for a happy and healthy relationship. While every relationship is different, there are some key ingredients that all happy couples share.
Here are the top 5 things necessary for a happy relationship:

1. Communication. Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It is important to be able to communicate openly and honestly with your partner, both about the good and the bad. This means being able to share your thoughts, feelings, and needs, and being willing to listen to your partner's as well.
2. Trust. Trust is another essential ingredient for a happy relationship. It means feeling confident that your partner is honest and faithful, and that they will be there for you when you need them. Trust takes time and effort to build, but it is worth it in the long run.
3. Respect. Respect is another important part of a happy relationship. It means valuing your partner's opinions and feelings, and treating them with kindness and consideration. Respect also means being able to disagree with your partner without being disrespectful.
4. Acceptance. Acceptance is the ability to see your partner for who they are, flaws and all. It means loving them unconditionally, even when they make mistakes. Acceptance is not always easy, but it is essential for a lasting relationship.
5. Shared values. Shared values are important for a happy relationship. This means having similar beliefs about important things in life, such as religion, finances, and family. When you share values, you have a common foundation on which to build your relationship.

Of course, no relationship is perfect. There will be times when you argue, disagree, and hurt each other's feelings. But if you have the key ingredients of communication, trust, respect, acceptance, and shared values, you will be able to weather these storms and come out stronger on the other side.
If you are struggling in your relationship, please know that you are not alone. There are many resources available to help you, including therapy. A therapist can help you to improve your communication skills, resolve conflict, and build a stronger relationship.
If you are interested in learning more about therapy, please visit my website or contact me to schedule a consultation. I would be happy to discuss your individual needs and how I can help you create a happy and healthy relationship.

• Make time for each other. Even when you are busy, it is important to make time for your relationship. Schedule regular date nights, or simply find ways to connect with each other on a daily basis.
• Be supportive of each other. Be there for your partner when they need you, and offer them your love and support.
• Show appreciation for each other. Let your partner know how much you appreciate them, both verbally and physically.
• Be forgiving. Everyone makes mistakes. When your partner hurts you, be willing to forgive them and move on.
• Work together as a team. Relationships are a partnership. Be willing to work together to solve problems and make decisions.

If you follow these tips, you will be well on your way to creating a happy and healthy relationship.